2. Make a connection to yourself. (Figuring out questions you answer)

3. Coming up with your own answers rather than having other people answer them.

4. Take the focus off of yourself and observe other people.

5. Let the observations influence how you make choices and take action.

6. Find the right someone to accept you.

7. Willing to take small risks, willing to talk to people again.

8. There will be constant tests – a bully faces you again. There will be tests you cannot pass and that is expected and okay.

9. You stand up for yourself in the right way. (You don’t belittle or get aggressive which is a form of bullying.) If you don’t, you become the bully.

10. Once you stick up for yourself, you start sticking up for others.

11. Bullies win when you allow them to belittle you again. There will be days when your self esteem is low. Don’t panic – it’s completely normal. It will pass.

*Please note that this can be challenging, not “easy.”

Process of 16yr teen who had recovered successfully from years of being bullied.

Every day there are new gifts delivered as someone is born. The only thing people can see are the prices that are paid and not the talent that is delivered. It is in there somewhere, it is in every one of us. The boy discovers his power unraveling it inch by inch with still miles to go. As soon as the gift was discovered, the soul becomes a warrior, with the heart like a shield. He is a completely different person on the inside, but he is the exact same person the whole entire time.

When he was born, the masterpiece was delivered, but so was the bill. The gift is invisible, but the bill isn’t. The price that was paid was unbearable. The mother goes through more pain seeing the child on wheels, than the child does. The cost is something that never goes away. It can’t be lived with, but it also can’t be lived without. The symptoms never go away and get worse over time. Dying to figure out the answer to the million dollar question, the caring mother goes to the doctors, but they tell her he is normal. Years pass, it seems hopeless. After hundreds of visits one man stands out of the crowd and diagnoses a disease. Both shocked and pleased, the mother solved the enigma. A genetic test all the way across the country solved the riddle. When the word of the diease was given was introduced, the tides turned. Her heart was sowed back together. Then the gift became visible. The doctor showed the statistics of IQ for the disease to me. It was like getting a blessing. Out of nowhere the confidence overwrites my thinking and turned me into a genius. It was a completely different world for me, but nothing had changed.

It has made me into someone that most people will only dream of. At the time it seemed hard to believe. Removing tumors one step at a time is like paying for the piece one step at a time. It isn’t half bad to stand out from the crowd in a positive way, with the only cost requiring a couple of surgeries every decade and an MRI scan twice a year. Every step is another step toward exterminating the imperfection but not taking away the gift.

Everyone in the world has a gift. Going through this process doesn’t create one; it lets someone know what theirs is. It turns someone into a hero. It destroys the poison that prevented them from being optimistic. This life changing experience has always boggled my mind: If the doctor wouldn’t have told me the gift that I have, would I be as successful as I am now in school? This has proved that it is better to have a disability, endowment, and be strong in the inside than it is to be normal. Another question that is equally puzzling is: Is the reason why I am smart because I think I am, or is it because of genetics? It is better to think that you have a gift and develop one than have a gift and not use it.

Standing out of the crowd is both the most marvelous, and the worst part. It has turned me into a model, every day discovering something new that the gift can do. It has taught me that a person’s optimism is generated by their perspective on things. The most important thing to remember is it is not the drawback itself that is the worst part. It is how it affects a person mentally. Self esteem and fear is like its own disease. This occurs during the early stages of becoming a hero. This is cured when the trip to becoming a warrior is complete. Fear eats the victim faster than the tumors do. Knowing what the gift is, curse this.

A man curtained his face in mask of veil

He hid not but his face, but the emtion’s he’d feel

He hid his mouth to hid his speech

He hid his soft heart out of reach

He hid his eyes to hide his soul

He hid his heart with a gaping hole

The man nor talk to you or me

Approach him and see how fast he’d flee

But what was he running from? You may ask

He ran from somehting impeccably fast

He ran from his shadow that never went away

He ran from regets of yesterday

He ran from every mistake he made

He ran and wished he could fade

But unfortunately to his dismay

The sun may leave but our shadows always stay

So we must learn to cope with our ways

To learn to take off that shame filled mask

And forget mistakes from our guilty past.

copyrighted 2010

Poem by 16yr girl, D.S

What is boredom?  How do we know when we ate it is because we were actually only bored?  Is boredom disguising some other feeling? Is the urge to eat chocolate really helping the boredom? What can change that empty, restless, alone feeling—empty candy wrappers,  glaring at computer images, surfing the web—doesn’t really change that does it? Eating feels a little good, and yet, how much does it take to feel better?  Tight seams on the pants or top and tugging on the jeans zipper doesn’t add to more good feelings; or how about creating more distractions—isn’t that what we really thought we could do with the food ? Distract ourselves? What happens if we don’t attempt to distract and we simply sit with the feeling or the discomfort? What is the boredom covering up? Loneliness? Is the chocolate going to curtail the loneliness? The anger or the? Aren’t there better treatments? Can’t we eat and enjoy the chocolate for its own sake?  How about sitting with boredom? Can we let that be what it is?

Motivation refers to the initiation, direction of intensity and
persistence of behavior (Green, 95).
Motivation means to move, deployment of energy is often evidence of motivation.

This motivation is the desire and willingness to do.

Indirect motivation-action satisfies an intermediate goal which can
lead to satisfaction of a need; money.

Direct motivation-action satisfies the need; job satisfaction.

To produce the highest level of motivation, extrinsic and intrinsic
goals need to be combined.

Extrinsic goals are:

• Reinforces that come from outside of your self.
• External rewards such as praise, money (when value is placed on money)
• Food, toys, etc. (yes many people are and do get rewarded with food)

Extrinsic motivation used to motivate employees-external rewards,
payments, promotions praise and public commendation. Of ego or
monetary gains ego is best-sense of value. For example; when you
receive a raise, the amount does not have as much impact as your
perception of the value placed on the raise, in spite of the amount.
One hundred dollars is great until you learn every one else received
one hundred and one dollars. A 25 cent raise might have greater value
if no one else received a raise. Who has the greater value perceived
by the employee from the employer?

Intrinsic goals are:

Reinforces that arrive from within the
emotional/mental state of the person. Internal payoffs are the
feelings such as satisfaction or sense of accomplishment. Intrinsic
motivation is based on enjoyment the other on obligation (what ought
to be done) evident when people engage for its own sake with out
obvious external incentives present. Theses internal feelings
generated by the action of the person can rarely get side tracked by
others lack of reinforces, having received no raise or reward for your
accomplishment. It has the greatest reinforces. Now combine that with
an external reward and watch out!

Of the goals extrinsic is a great place to start however the continued
motivation reinforces will need to be shifted to the internal to have
a consistency over time, because once the external reward is removed
so is the motivation. Internal motivation is a greater motivator for
this reason. For example; point system for children rather than a
prize orientated reward system. This point system is empowering for
children, shifts the motivation to internal.

Self theories indicate that individuals who believe intelligence is
fluid, can change over time, are more likely to not have self-esteem
tied into performance. They are more likely to try harder, worrying
less about how they look (if they look smart and competent) and more
focused on the process or trying to succeed. Learn more from effort
have greater motivation and fear failure less. They are more
motivated. If your intelligence and self worth are not tied to the
outcome you can extend effort (look motivated) towards success without
the fear killing your motivation. Fear is a motivation killer. You can
not feel fearful and motivated at the same time. You can be scared as
you take action however doing is motivating. The key is not to sit in
the fear but to take action. Will power is ineffective.

Goals and Goal setting
Clarify which type of goal helps you determine the process of
motivating yourself.

Mastery goals are gaining a new set of skills or knowledge.

Performance goals are often ego involvement, achieving normative based
standards, do better than others or do as well without a lot of
effort.

Social goals focus on relationships (Ames 92, Dweek 86, Yrdan & Macher, 95)

In context of school learning-students with mastery goals out perform
students with either performance goals or social goals. However in
life success all three types of goals are needed in order to be very
successful.

Above all, believe you can…or you can not!
Questionnaire

1. What will I lose my not doing this?
2. What will I gain by doing this?
3. Why is this important to me?
4. How is not doing this incongruent with who I am?

5. Describe how you would feel now that you have achieved this.
Use this to help motivate you….taking action.
Read inspirational books…see inspiring movies …..everyday to stay motivated.

Find others who are like-minded and cultivate those who have already
achieved a similar goal.
Take care of yourself-exercise, sleep and eat well.